Bestselling Author on Ways to Remove Toxic People in the New Year

There are lots of different goals we all make in the New Year.

If you are looking to cut out the toxic people in your life but don’t know where to start, you are in luck.

Author of the bestselling book “Swagger: Unleash Everything You Are and Become Everything You Want” Leslie Ehm joined ‘the four’ live with expert advice. Toxic 8

Her tips:

  1. You can’t be for everyone and that’s OK – We all want to be loved and accepted. But there will be people who just don’t get us. If someone makes you feel badly about yourself, instead of trying to change to please them, consider that the issue is theirs and not yours and just let ‘em go. You’ll be creating space for the people who DO get you and accept you the way you are.
  2. Make your boundaries clear – If people are treating you in ways that make you feel uncomfortable or upset, you have the power to tell it to them straight. Try and take the YOU out of it in order to limit conflict. Instead, try, “When this situation happens, it makes me feel x and that’s unacceptable for me. Let’s discuss how to stop that from happening.” If they won’t discuss it, then you need to walkaway. They’re telling you everything you need to know.
  3. Let the liars, cheaters and bullies show themselves for who they are – Gaslighting only works if you believe it and let it go in. Gaslighters rely on you doubting and second-guessing yourself. So, do a mental recap of the FACTS. They never lie. But people do. The best way to react to them is by using facts to shine a light on their nefarious methods. Try not to do it defensively. Just be matter-of-fact!
  4. Listen to the “dread” voice – If there are people who the thought of having to spend time with fills you with that sense of dread, you need to listen. That’s history talking. It is perfectly OK to delete people who don’t deserve a place in your life. You don’t need to explain anything to them. Ghosting toxicity is 100% OK.
  5. Remember your worth – Your friendship, loyalty, time and service are a GIFT. Anyone who chooses not to accept and reciprocate doesn’t deserve them. Think of it as you would a business arrangement, be it personal or otherwise. Is there a return on investment? If not, then you need to cut your losses and move on. People who don’t accept and respect your worth are just depleting your emotional bank account and you deserve better.
  6. Don’t give toxic family a free pass – When we’re young, we’re conditioned to take whatever we’re given and patterns become set. But as adults, we have choices and power. If you’ve had enough of old family drama, its time to break the patterns with compassion and clarity. They may not even realize that its happening or that it hurts you because THEY’RE stuck in the patterns too. Saying it out loud is the first step to changing it. If all else fails, be prepared to walkway with swagger!

To learn more about Leslie, click here.

Categories: the four